Hey there,
Remember when I wrote about how August always brought a smile to my face in our last blog post? Well, this time, things feel a bit different. This is the second part of our August series, and I want to talk about how this August has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. It's not the same happy August I've known before; instead, it's been a month filled with sadness and guilt.
You know, August used to be that time of year when everything felt perfect. The sun was shining, the days were longer, and I had this sense of freedom that was hard to match. I could spend hours watching movies, writing stories, and doing all those things that made my heart sing. But this August, it's like my heart and mind aren't in sync.
I've been feeling this overwhelming sense of sadness that's hard to shake off. It's like a cloud hanging over everything I do. Even my favorite activities that usually lift my spirits, like watching movies or writing, feel like a struggle. It's almost like I'm trying to force happiness into things that used to come so naturally. It's a strange and uncomfortable feeling, let me tell you.
You know, there's a certain rhythm to life that we become accustomed to. There are things that we rely on to brighten our days, to give us a sense of normalcy and joy. For me, those things were watching movies and immersing myself in the world of writing. They were like anchors, grounding me in happiness even when everything else seemed chaotic.
But this time, it's different. It's like I'm trying to grasp onto those anchors, and they're slipping through my fingers. I sit down to watch a movie, hoping it will transport me to a place of joy, but the familiar excitement just isn't there. It's as if the colors on the screen are a bit duller, the stories a bit less captivating. Writing, which was once my solace, now feels like walking through a thick fog, where every word is a struggle.
It's frustrating, to say the least. I find myself questioning why these activities, which were once my refuge, have lost their magic. It's like I'm mourning the loss of not just the things I've experienced this year, but also the simple pleasures that once brought me so much comfort.
And then there's this guilt that creeps in. It's like a nagging voice in the back of my head, questioning why I'm not enjoying the things I used to love. It's like I'm letting myself down by not being able to find that same joy I felt before. But you know what? I'm slowly learning that it's okay.
Guilt has a sneaky way of taking a hold of your thoughts and making you doubt yourself. It's as if it's pointing out your perceived shortcomings and reminding you of the expectations you've set for yourself based on past experiences. It's like comparing your current self to the version of you that was so full of happiness in the past.
a rollercoaster, and not in the exhilarating way. I've lost so many things that were once my favorites – the people, the experiences, the moments that brought an irreplaceable spark to my life. It's like life took away pieces of my heart, and now, even August, the month that was my refuge, feels different.
Guilt has found its way into my thoughts, using these losses as ammunition to make me question myself even more. It's as if the weight of those losses amplifies the guilt, making me feel like I should be finding happiness wherever I can. But grief and healing don't follow a set schedule, and happiness can't always be conjured on demand.
In the midst of this internal storm, I want to believe that this August, with its shadows and melancholy, is not a testament to my weakness, but a testament to my humanity. It's a reminder that life is a tapestry woven with threads of both joy and sorrow, and it's okay for those threads to intertwine in intricate and unexpected ways.
As the days of August pass by, I find myself embracing the tears and the quiet moments of reflection. It's in these moments that I'm reminded of the depth of my emotions, of the capacity to feel, even when feeling hurts. The world around me might be painted in shades of gray, but within me, there's a symphony of emotions that refuses to be silenced.
And so, I'll let August be what it needs to be this year—a chapter of my journey that's marked by its own unique shades of emotion. It's not a failure to have moments where the tears flow more freely than the laughter. It's not a setback to feel discomfort in the face of activities that once brought pure joy.
This August, with all its complexity and emotions, is a reminder that even in the midst of sadness, there's beauty. There's beauty in the rawness of feeling, in the vulnerability of embracing emotions as they come. And as I step into the next chapter beyond August, I carry with me the lessons learned, the tears shed, and the hope that somewhere down the line, the clouds will part, and the sun will shine on my heart once again.
Peace out...........
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